Well, it is Friday. I woke up with this thought again and kept thinking about it's meaning. When Ty was first diagnosed with cancer I was devastated and in shock. One day, I could hear over and over the words, "ENDURE IT WELL." The words just kept coming to my mind over and over that day. I have thought of this and it has helped me so much since August.
This morning I woke up and had a text that my husband sent me at 4 am in the morning. My heart is truly hurting because he is struggling physically so much right now. I am helpless to help him in any way. The only thing I can do is to talk and visit him, share my love, tell him stories about our children and hold his hand. These moments are tender. Often, he is overcome with tears. I try so hard to be the strong one. However, I am so thankful for prayer. I know God brings us trials and challenges in life because he loves us and knows we will become better from going through them.
I'm learning that sometimes we each have to go through things and it's part of our own JOURNEY just as Ty has his journey. So I just start down the path, and walk it faithfully. I am trying to deal with all the stuff that tries to knock me off my path. There are days when I wonder if I can do it. It's day by day.... but I have great faith and hope. I don't just want to endure this, I want to "endure it well".
My boys have been helping me so much. Each night we read our scriptures and pray together before they go to bed. I can't tell you what a difference this makes. The spirit of having them pray for their dad is really sweet and beautiful. I know God listens to these heartfelt prayers. My boys are constantly coming up and hugging me and (don't tell their friends) sometimes even kiss my cheek. Yes, this trial has brought our children even closer to Ty and I.
Right now, Ty's counts are Neutropenic. That is defined as an absolute neutrophil count (ANC) of less than 1500 per microliter. He can't fight any infections right now and he is just feeling very weak and horrible. He is struggling just to get any food down and taking it day by day in his recovery. Right now they are doing everything they can to avoid a feeding tube.
