I have to let you know that I was in so much pain yesterday that I did not leave my house after I got home. I tried to stay active since I had to do 4 projects yesterday. I have a mid-release and cartridge projects to design- so sleep was not an option. I felt I was not very hungry yesterday and struggled to eat the 29 points that I get each day. I ended up with 26 pts. I was so sore by the day end that McKay made a salad for me. I went to bed and watched TANGLED with the kids. Yes, I was too sore to even sit on the couch. I have NEVER been so uncomfortable. It was just not my legs, but my entire body. FINALLY... I was able to sleep but I kept waking up and had a hard time moving. I went to bed thinking..." I do NOT want to go tomorrow." Tyler was so supportive but was concerned that I was pushing it to far. My darling family kept getting me water to drink. I have the BEST family... thank you!!!!!!!
Yesterday, Taylor called me. My friends (blog, facebook) have been cheering me on. YOU will all never know how much it has helped me. Then my sweet daughter called me. She said, "Mom, I just read your blog. You made me cry." I asked her why. Taylor said, "I am so PROUD of you, so PROUD that you are my mother." Okay...literally I was a mess. REALLY... my daughter gave me the greatest gift. I do WANT to make her and my family proud. I am not doing anything AMAZING but I am doing something that is so HARD for me. I just LOVE that Taylor felt this way.
So I went to Day 2 of boot camp this morning and I thought of TAYLOR to get me through it. I told myself AGAIN. "YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER!, WORK THROUGH THE PAIN, DON'T WORRY IF SOMEONE LAUGHS AT YOU" and I prayed. I needed to be able to do SOMETHING. Right- I can barely walk and I was REALLY scared to go back for more.
I show up and there is ONLY four of us. The trainer- Aaron is amazing! He looks around and said that they were weeding out the herd. He got 8 drop outs emails on facebook and 2 more texts. IT was too hard and he was watching them quit. They have four classes in the AM and 3 in the PM- so I am sure there will lots more who do not show up or quit still. I went up to Aaron and I told him...
"I am not going to quit and I can barely move but I am going to give it EVERYTHING that I have." I saw him smile and he REALIZED that I was "really" in this.
TODAY was worse than yesterday. After warm ups, WE ran again. Yes, I came in DEAD last. I have to say that LIZ who was in front of me, kept supporting me. She would look back and say, "YOU CAN DO IT, RUN GIRL" Her support kept me going. I met her today for the first time. Then we did the most "INSANE" 45 minutes of cardio/weights. If you watch The Biggest Loser- it was just like that. I hit the sledge hammer on the big tire, the weight (25 lbs) over my head- walking back and forth (my arms were on FIRE!), pushing that large black metal machine that had weights on it, and more. I was having a hard time with the coordination with the sledge hammer.
Aaron came over and I told him that my left side coordination is gone since my stroke. By the way...he calls me QUEENIE. I wear my large black T-shirt with a crown on it to boot camp. He likes the crown and so my nickname is QUEENIE. HA! He told me he was so impressed that "I WAS THERE! I WAS DOING THIS and not making excuses!" Hmmmm... I was taken back and realized that for SO LONG I did FEAR pushing myself physically. I just KNOW that I can do this. It is the HARDEST thing I have ever done.
FINALLY it was done and I wanted to cry for joy. I walked to my car and sat there. I called my husband and told him that I had made it. I got off the phone and then I shed some HAPPY tears. I had no idea if I could make it through day 2... but I did. I want you to know that I am still struggling with this in my mind. I am scared and this is beyond hard. However, I won't quit. THANK YOU for your comments.
I am home now and McKay went to the store to buy EPSOM salt. Stay tuned for the ANNOUNCEMENT of my new release. It will be any time now. HAVE a great day!