I think in life we are faced with many sad and hard times. I want and choose to believe they are given to us to truly help us and those around us. We all suffer at times. I think for me, I grew up in a home where my mother suffered from severe depression. I can remember that this was here TRIAL from the earliest memories of her and sadly up until her death.
I would not be honest if I did not tell you that I was scared. Was I going to be like my mother? Was I going to be the mom who was always asleep, in bed or not able to drive?
I remember being in Jr. High. I had made the cheerleading squad. This was really a little miracle. I was never coordinated and I was REALLY shy. I remember trying out for the week in the sunny courtyard at the school- Grandview Jr. High. Oh, I wanted this so much.
My mom did not drive for about five years during this time in my life. I had to stay after school (which meant I missed the school bus) for try outs every day. When practice was over I had to walk home from practice alone as it was getting dark. It was several miles and took me about an hour 1/2 to get home. I was SCARED that a car would stop and try to take me. I was SCARED of the dark. I was SCARED that my friends would find out about my mother not picking me up and why. I was SCARED because I felt so alone.
I made the cheerleading squad. I was OVER THE MOON happy! It was a hard time in our family and my life. I was starting to suffer from weight issues (in my head), my parents got divorced and my dad divorced me as well... I won't bore you with the sadness. I don't share much about that time in my life, but I will be honest and say I had a really sad childhood and faced things no child should have to face.
I walked home from school for months alone. I decided to use this time to "DREAM." I would dream about my STAR crushes, my dreams to be a mommy something and a wife...I used these walks in a positive way.
However, God gave me something DEEP in my soul. I always KNEW that HE loved me and I felt it. I knew that I was going to OVERCOME the trials and learn from them. I don't know how or why but I always KNEW I was going to grow up and change my life for a better. I decided as a young 16 year old that my trials were to "refine" me. I could choose the outlook and how I learned from each trial.
I learned so much. I learned to be a strong woman who loved herself even when he own father could not. I learned that my issues with weight were there to remind me that I was never gonna be perfect and that's okay. I am like everyone else. I needed to be humble in all things in life. I learned that kindness began with me. I learned that when people hurt me, that I needed to forgive and let it go. I truly am a peace maker at heart and I realized I can't change who I am. I accepted myself and knew to truly love anyone we need to first love WHO WE ARE first.
Okay... now... I hope you are not asleep...
I felt prompted to share this story today... for my daughter Taylor. She called me last night. Her dog Koda has been sick for four days. Then last night took a really bad turn for the worse. Taylor and her dad took her sweet dog to the vet. Honestly, it is not looking good. He has liver problems and neurological issues. She is going to a specialist today. She cannot afford this but she needs to have peace and know she did as much as she possibly can.
She called me this morning crying so hard that she could not talk. She hung up. I waited and gave her time. I called her back and she immediately started to cry. Her heart is tender and sad. At one point, she was even mad. Why????????? would God do this to Koda and her were rambling thoughts.
She has had her little dog for 1 year and 9 months from the time he was a puppy. When Taylor divorced and even before he was her baby. He sat on her lap daily as she cried about the divorce. Koda is her world. So she is in a lot of pain. I told Taylor this morning that I feel like KODA was given to her to help her. No matter what happens and if he dies that she must be thankful for having had him and celebrate what he did for her. Look at the blessing of Koda in your life. God sent him to you. I knew it and felt it. We both cried. I know that if it's Kodas time to go that this trial will be hard, but she can and will eventually be okay again.
I love you Taylor.