I came home yesterday from my visit to Art Inspired Studio and had decided to be "offline" more the past few days. I had the best time with the Patti and Diana and the girls in Brentwood. I have photos and much more to share. I wanted to focus today on the feelings that are HIGH GEAR in my heart.
I think my blog is my way to express tender feelings of what is real is my life and heart. I met so many girls this weekend who expressed they read my blog every day. I always hope what I share is something that others will understand and in some way make them feel a connection. I want my kids to know me in a different way from my blog. Often there is things that you write that maybe you would not necessary tell someone else- or at least in the same way.
I got home and about two hours later it was time to go to my friend's viewing last night. I was nervous to say the wrong thing to her family and children. I was so thankful that Gentry drove up from Provo to be with me. McKay was also there. I FELT her there. They had a beautiful slideshow and photos EVERYWHERE of her family. I was so happy to SEE that she was in ALL the photo. I would say they had 100 photos. It was surrounded by my beautiful friend. I smiled because I meet too many people who will take photos but NOT let themselves be in the PHOTOS. Don't they realize that they are such a IMPORTANT part of the story????? I loved absorbing the photos in my memory and seeing her full of happiness and life.
It was beautiful and I watched as her son (who is McKays friend) was crying the entire time. He will graduate from high school this year. He expressed how much he loved his mom. I watched my daughter be there for him. I watched as the line was TWO hours to get to the family and casket. She was so loved.
I KNOW that because of HER I believe I am a better person forever. I thought of our time on earth and how short it really is. What is our purpose here? Each day is simply a gift. We have trials and we can use to them to help us grow. She had her trials too. We all do. I know for me personally, my friend will live in my heart and memory forever. I need to always live in the moment and really focus on what is most important. Death is not the end. I rejoice in knowing that we can be with our family and those we love forever.
Last night, Zach came into my bedroom (late- past his bedtime) and had just finished a oral report that he needed to practice. It needed to be 5-7 minutes. Ty was upset that he was not in bed and that he had waiting to get his report done. Ty was trying to give him a lesson on procrastination. Zach asked me to listen to him. I closed my book I was reading and gave him my full attention. He read it to me and I listened intently and I could tell he was happy. I knew that those simple moments of just "being there" are so important. To me, my children are most important. They come before my designing...I want them to always know that.
I know I am writing this today for them...for me...
The funeral is this morning. I should be getting dressed. I am going to miss my sweet friend. I will LOVE her forever. I will be a better mother, friend and wife because of knowing her. I am so thankful to know that she is with God again.