Yesterday my husband gave me a early Valentines gift. He sent me to the nail salon to get my nails done. I have to say that it was bad in that my nails really look horrible. I know I should have said something but I felt sorry for the girl doing my nails. I could tell she was nervous herself. However, I know for some reason that yesterdays conversation with her was something maybe we both needed. I came home and shared it with Ty.
I was talking to Gentry on the phone and then McKay as she did my nails. She mentioned it sounded like I had a great relationship with my daughters. It proceeded to a converation about kids and how we raise our children. I told her that as a parent I have felt very lucky in that all my kids are growing up to truly do good things. They are not perfect, but they have honorable goals to be to make a difference in the world.
She asked... WHY do you think they did make those "good" choices in a world that we are seeing so many kids not turning out well? The first thought and what I said was- " I know you may not like to hear this but my husband and I believe in being stricter in our rules and expectations from our children."
Now let me say NOW... I am learning as I go. I am not a perfect parent by any means. I question myself ALL the time. I was NOT planning on sharing any of this. I went to church today and I kept feeling like I needed to blog about my conversation. It is not as a way to suggest anything than other than what is working for "my family." I will share with you the things that we have done with our children. I think all children are different and truthfully we have parented a little different with each of our children.
That being said- I have taught my kids from a very young age the following: Be a leader not a follower. What does that mean? I have always felt that we should follow our heart and not be tempted to do what ever one else is doing. Be strong in your own personal values, convictions and act accordingly. Be strong enough in who you are to be willing to be alone. Even if it means your unpopular or lose a friend. I always wanted my children to make good choices and not feel pressured to do something because someone told them that they should.
I saw this today. It is in the NEW ERA magazine that McKay was reading today:
I loved it! Why do we all have to be like everyone else? We should be just who God made us and be happy about it.
The next thing I think I have tried very hard to instill in my kids is RESPECT. As soon as they could speak if they wanted something they were taught to say PLEASE and THANK YOU each time they needed or got something. I feel like gratitude for what you have is life is important and leads to appreciate for WHAT you do have and not what you don't have. When my kids get snappy to me... backtalk, etc. I remind them that it is not allowed in our home. I have a saying that I remind them from Dr. Phil- "People will treat you the WAY you allow them to treat you." So I tell them... "I will not allow you to talk to me (or someone else) that way." We have house rules... things you cannot (or should not say). I hate you and shut up, your stupid, etc. Now, I would be a big liar if I told you it NEVER has been said. It has and we work on it. I will say that it's a rare situation to hear it, because the kids know I will not allow it.
The last thing that I want to share is RULES. Oh yes, we are more strict with our parenting rules. We decided that our children would not solo date in high school. They go on group dates or double dates and they have a strict curfew. We felt they are just too young to be involved in a closer relationship when they are still so young. I have encouraged our kids to be very academic and do sports (drill) to occupy those times when they would be tempted to say..." I'm so bored!." Ty and I are so close with our kids. I love them so much, but I am their mother first and friend next. The truth is I feel like they are my best friends. However, I make decisions as a mother foremost. We have house rules that we feel will help them when they leave our home and realize in life, we have rules that we all must follow in life and society.
I have to be honest, I did not want to even blog this. I actually fought it. I am not a parenting expert by any means. I struggle every day to parent my kids. It is hard to follow through at time, but I try hard to. I am still on this journey called parenting. I am just sharing what I'm trying to do. I just wish all my kids came with a owners manual. ha!
